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Writer's pictureLuminous Butter.

Family Portrait (page 2)


Lets just say there's traveling involved in my job, which works out handy for me and the whore. She lives in another county. Not gonna fucking say which one neither, whether it's up North or down South, East or West. Separate counties for my separate lives - or should that be wives? And remember, I'm not actually married to the whore. So, I won't be sucking off my cellmate in jail for protection. Thank God! And let’s face it a guy like me would have to resort to those rather nefarious acts to stay alive. Yes. Yes - bigamy , thank God, do not need to worry about.


So, I stay in hotels when it's too far to commute back to ol’ wifey. That's how I met her. She worked in the hotel I was staying at. Not gonna say which one and not gonna give you her job title. See, my wife gave up work when I knocked her up and never went back… just relied on me for everything. Never gave two fucks that I was solely responsible for her and the kids financialy. And I've done a decent job of that if I don't say so myself. Yes, she and the kids have never wanted for nothing. Spoilt cunts - the lot of em. I just hope our daughter doesn't do the same to the poor bastard she has kids with. But, unfortunately, it looks that way as she has said numerous times during family moments that she wants to raise her family just like ours as her mother has done a wonderful job. I also hope my boy marries someone he loves. He's a queer so there's not much chance of grand kids from him. Thank fuck! Not saying that queers can't have kids but I get the feeling he'd rather stick his head in a hot oven. I don't think he's in a serious relationship. The wife is shit scared he's gonna end up with AIDS but we taught him all about safe sex and that was before we knew he liked it up the arse. Oh god! I'm getting queasy. I need to talk about something else.


When I met the whore I thought she was the perfect combination of classy and working class. She's one of those bitches that grew up in a council house. Common as muck, not the sharpest tool but with a quick wit and a deadly tongue. Even dressed in her nondescript cheap uniform that's supposed to inform the customers how professional the staff are. When, in reality, it informs you how professionally cheap the head office is. I like the cheapness of her uniform, it's sexy. Uniforms are always sexy, right? Because she's so common - she tries to put on an educated accent but you can tell straight away it's unnatural and extremely false. Just like her nails and eyelashes. She's cheap. I like that. No, bollocks to that, I love that about her! My wife will do anything to not be identified as cheap. And she comes from okay stock but what I love about the whore, outside of work, she’s unapologetic about her roots.


I know it seems like I’m comparing the two women and each time they either win or lose on my imaginary scoreboard and you’re right. I am. But everyone who's dating does this. Okay, maybe not married men. But, let me fucking tell you it's more than you think. I'm not tryna make some excuse. Im know I'm a sexist pig but do you know what? I've got 2 women that love me very much and what the fuck have you got? Huh? I reckon a big fat zero. Am I right? Or close? Yes, thought so. That's because no woman in her right mind wants to fuck a male feminist. Oh. God! Even the mere thought of it makes me want to puke in my own mouth. Sure, there's some cool guys that will use that trick to get laid and you know what? Respect to those guys. They are stand up men in my opinion. But anyway I digress.


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